Loneliness

"Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self"
Well folks im back again not out of choice but for the want of anything better to do.After my previous two blogs this topic seems philosophical, but what to do? No classes, roommates out for long periods and nothing to do and nobody to talk to for long periods brings me to this seemingly innane topic.Loneliness is a feeling of isolation and being cut off and alienated from other people.But it should not be equated with being alone which is essentially a conscious choice and is pleasurable, positive and stimulating if it is done in the right amount.But the damn problem is that i feel lonely and its a forced decision upon me(or is it?).Inspite of being surrounded by my friends , inspite of pursuing all the activities in effort to something purposeful(a fancy name that a aimless wanderer like me absolutely abhors). Now many would say how can u feel lonely? I mean there are friends(besides the roommates), movies,laptop,outings, I mean who gets bored and lonely in a place like Mumbai?But that is not taking into account my confession that im a introvert-I cant fix up outings, I hate barging and tagging along friends who have prior commitments, and I cant meet up just for the sake of meeting up!So much so that i'm often accused of being snobbish n well...a guy who's not so well liked(he can't get along with us!! something's seriously wrong with the guy!! he's too full of himself, isn't he odd?I dont like something about this guy-I've been there and heard that!) Continuing the confessions I must also confess that I hate loneliness.Ah! now you'd say thats a contradiction, how can a self confessed introvert hate loneliness(its your flaw and fault!).but well...life's a series of contradictions.During these times I envy the extroverts, curse my own laziness of not making an effort to be with people and out of my self inflicted misery and loneliness, I also envy the hordes who have a purposeful life and the zeal to do anything which keeps them busy.My own days and nights are spent in a perpetual state of aimless haze..reminding me of my new strategy teacher n his preachings of vision, mission, goals and objectives. Fancy word these only I for the life of me cant inculcate and figure out my vision, mission, goal or objective. Maybe I should...to get me out of my pitiable state..Often I wonder that am I the only one feeling the pangs of loneliness or do people also live in the same state as me, as confused, as aimless and most importantly doing nothing about it? Moments like these also make me wonder that are introverts, people who are not popular enough like me and who lack the social graces of reaching out to people any way less than the extroverts and the class of people I mentioned above? Introvertness is considered snobbish and seriousness a behavorial disorder, Loneliness and its acceptance is seen as a sign of weakness, of a flaw within oneself..But again if I know im a introvert and I lack the social graces do I have the right to feel lonely(and also to crib and dedicate a entire blog space to it?).. I'm sure there are enough introverts out there who are happy and contented to be alone, doing their own thing, having something to look forward to and who are the voice of independence, peace and freedom(aren't these the virtues of being alone?)-but till how long?A purpose in life would not lessen the reality that you need company in your day to day activities.No hobby pursued alone can give you satisfaction beyond a point .Doesn't one feel the need to reach out to people?Individualism is great but only if peppered by human interactions. I guess man was named the social animal in deference to the initiated majority who are the extroverts.Even for the un-initiated few there are many things to do-pursue a hobby, read, play games(pc based n outdoor),watch movies, listen to music-there are innumerable things to do, so as to not commit the sin of feeling lonely.Sure I do all of these things, but cant carry it on alone beyond a point. I like listening to music-but whats the point if u cant appreciate it with someone.I even try to see a movie alone..but again grow restless..I swim but again how long can u continue swimming alone?I read-but i need someone to be able to discuss it with.All in all I do all the things a normal person does, but beyond a point the silence of the room starts bugging me, bothering me and driving me nuts.Now moving away from the twin theme of Introvertness vs. Extrovertness and the inability to pursue the acts of music, movies, games etc alone let me move to people who say-whats wrong in being lonely?We like the silence, the peace and the freedom to do your own thing, live as we want away from the mundane discussions, the boring talks and conversations held just for the sake of holding them.It helps us to think, to reflect and to meditate.People exist who are as happy to live alone. I often wonder in amazement at their ability which I sadly lack and would love to hear their point of view and what thinking goes into making them so, how do they cope up with the silence, the loneliness, dont they get bored going through their motions alone? Dont they miss human company while watching a movie,reading a book, listening to music.Do they go on outings alone?If so I would surely invite them over and like to have a chat with them but till then I curse my laziness, again envy the extroverts, the people having a purposeful life and again go back to my aimless, purposeless haze,wondering all the while that why dont i do anything about it and am I the only one who is like this?